The Hard Days

I almost lost it the other night. Aleksander’s molars are coming in, and he’s had a couple rough nights. For the most part, I’ve been able to rock and sing to him to lull him back to sleep. But on Saturday, nothing was working. All I could do was hold him and walk him. I thought my arms were being ripped out of their sockets. I’d try to pass him to his Dad, but only his Mama would do. Somehow I managed not to fall apart – physically or emotionally. But it reminded me of all the times when I wasn’t able to keep it together….

I was recently reading another blog by a mother of three who was having a really hard week. As she came out of it, one of her biggest complaints was all the cheery advice she got. It’s so true! When you’re in the depths of despair, the last thing you want is a Pollyanna to come along and tell you to look at the bright side and that everything will be okay – even if it’s true.

Trying to yank yourself up the emotional ladder from despair to joy is simply impossible. In that dark place, you feel powerless, and it takes a lot of effort to get yourself out of that hole. I think the first thing to do is acknowledge where you are and give yourself permission to be there. You’re not a bad mom for falling into this murky pit! And maybe you just have to stew in it for a little while. But unless there is a deeper problem at work, you will eventually come out of it. One step at a time.

For me, it usually helps to have a good cry. Not too long ago, PER was away for the week, and I was having a bad day. I fought the tears back all day long until I couldn’t take it anymore. So I stalked into the guest room, closed the door, sat down in the chair, and just bawled. This time was not so bad, because in a matter of minutes I felt better. And then I was ready to go out and face my baby again.

But maybe that doesn’t work for you. How about getting good and mad instead? Did you know that getting angry is actually a step up from feeling depressed? It kind of sounds worse to me, but I suppose it’s better, because you’re actually doing or feeling something. Of course, you don’t want to get angry at your baby … or yourself … or your spouse … or the lady at the check-out counter at the grocery store. Instead, try thrashing it out on your bed! Pound your pillows! Yell into the bedspread! It can have quite a powerful effect. You may even end up laughing!

Question: How do you handle the hard days? Is there anything you do to pull yourself out of them?


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Laura
    Feb 16, 2011 @ 12:47:22

    When I read what you write, I realize I will never be able to speak a decent English, hehehe… You write so well…
    And about the text… Loved it! We dont need to be super moms… we are just humans trying to be good moms…


    • KateR
      Feb 16, 2011 @ 13:35:21

      Thanks, Laura! Written language is always the hardest. I think you speak beautifully!

      And I agree! We’re just doing the best we can … on the good days and the hard days 🙂


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